Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm with Mr. Barry Castagnola.

I'm with, uh, my friend, standup comedian, and an ... an actor ... __ friend, standup comedian, friend ... is that covering everything? / sounds like mainly a friend / yeah, mainly a ... mainly a friend / let me / hello to the people of Wales and listeners online everywhere / Woo, I've had a little ... woo, a little shiver there / I've been practicing that. / you have / we have got listeners everywhere, you know / we get emails from some strange faces. I can see you holding ... / yeah / ... some / listener / correspondence / got / From / I can see you holding / listener / Vancouver / all the way from the west coast of Canada / Yeah? / Uh, this is, uh ... this is Melissa, and Melissa says this, "Hello Rhod and co-host," that'll be me today / or anybody else in the show / I love __ __ __ your show. And I know that coming up with / feature / seems to be a struggle for you, Rhod. ... I think I might have some inspiration for you. / いつも、お題を考えるのが大変そうですね。今日はその参考になればと思ってメールしました。 / You cheaky old dog, Melissa, you cheaky old dog. ... __ coming up / come up with five in 30 sconds if you want / 何を言ってやがる。お題なんて、30 秒あれば 5 個できる。 / easily / go on / start the clock / uh ... go. / はい、スタート / What's your favorite day of the week? / 「一番好きな曜日は？」 / that is one / is your ... anybody's got __ third toe / longest on your foot / feature / size ... is the size of your noze longer than your index finger, usually, or not? / quite / anthropological / I'm just looking at you / body parts / looking at you, picking things / what's the longest / T-shirt / T シャツを洗濯せずに何日着続けたか / no offense / no offense / does / time's up / はい、ここまで / you've only made 4 / 4 つしか出なかったじゃないか。 / two of them were very similar. Uh ... so, / explain them as well / all / explain it / your place / just / in 30 seconds. I said I'd do five / I know / news / suggestion / yeah / ch ... cheaky old dog / I'm, uh ... I'm turning 18 on July 20th, and, in September / to study inter-disciplinary performance art / What is / I also / don't have a clue / my life / clearly / what is / I know what performance art is / what / singing, dancing, and, uh ... / Is it? / That's it. / OK. / singing and dancing / any advice for me? / she wants some advice / keep in mind / most of Rhod's / Work Experience / I haven't found it helpful. / hopefully, if you can't come up with features, you might find this one helpful. Thanks, / pronounced __ / put that at the top of the email, M__ / in a weird way / top of the email always. Otherwise it's pointless. / Exactly. / So, what ... what was the feature / she wants to know / life / that's not a feature / don't study inter-disciplinary performance art, ... for a start / Uh ... you did some performance art, didn't you? / I ... I did / English literature and, uh ... / Oh yeah, that's it. / drama / drama / huh / what did you learn in drama? / tree / go on, then / he is good. He is good. / I know __ __. I'm not an idiot. ... Hey, after this, Melissa's feature: What / life / Who cares?

Our next feature, ladies and gentlemen, today, Barry's gonna give out / information about birds / apparently / under air attack / savage seagulls / That's true, that is. / Britain is in the grips of a new "gull war" / That's true, that is. / holiday makers are __ by kamikaze birds determined to swipe / food / kamikaze / think / suicide mission / not Japanese pilots. __ __ kamikaze, the Japanese pilots / kamikaze / Yeah yeah yeah, that's true. / if they / yeah, that is absolutely true. / Yeah. It's ridiculous / ridiculous journalism / If ... what is the point / seagull / fish and chips / kill itself / just ... pick a wall. / 死にたいなら壁にぶつかりゃいい。 / yeah, exactly / wouldn't you? / attacking you to get at your chips or whatever you__ eating. They're not ... they're not trying to kill themselves / seagull / I was in a cafe / all / this / was / I thought that was the end of the story / once / seagull, too / pigeon earlier / I've seen a ... I've seen a sparrow. ... I've seen the lot / flown into __ cafe / get out the seagull / flying　into the, uh / to get out / kept flying __ __ window / beak / really sad sight. Why didn't you help him? / because it was massive, and ... and, uh ... according to this / dangerous / they are dangerous / virtual no-go area / been established / south / is that a separate story? / no / in, um ... in Cornwall, uh ... there's an area in Cornwall where the Royal Mail __ __ banned deliveries / seaside / posties / Cardiff is one of the worst places / I keep saying / for seagulls / for seagulls / oh yeah, for seagulls. Yes. Lovely place, otherwise / yeah / aren't they? / ... Yeah. / Apparently, __ __ __ last weekend's __ festival / swarm / bird / I was there all weekend __ didn't see a seagull / Not one. / not even / swarm / no swarm / I've got another feature idea in a minute. / You're full of them. / full of them. Hey, Melissa, that's about six already.

This is Rhod Gilbert, live on BBC Radio Wales. You can probably / probably hear a little laugh / enjoy myself today, Barry / it's you / giggly / I love you, too, very nice / you / heck / hang on a minute / the light / who's being on air / pretty close __ __, Barry Castagnola, uh, friend, standup comedian, and, uh ... / we / laugh / we have a giggle / I hope / I hope / listeners / included. ... Listen to this / we've got some ... we've got some awesome features today. ... I haven't written any of them down, though. / they're ... they're just spilling out of you / in a minute. That's / something to do with / Melissa's life / she / 17 / what / do with / life / any ideas / anyone / here we are / send them in / have / make__ / podcast / otherwise / in vain / we've got a message about the podcast / Oh, really? / yeah / never make it / I've lost the email / oh, no, here it is. ... "Right, Rhod. I'm a long-time podcast listener / opening / right, Rhod / long time podcast listener / age 28 years old / right, Rhod, / three times now / of attention. As far as I know, I / mention__ / if I have / not / podcast / as requested / producer / not yours / I've just been listening, uh, to a podcast again / I noticed the oldies / way over the target audience age / frankly find something better to do on a Saturday, like knitting / oh / controversial / having / all the time. No wonder the average age of your listeners / 107. / It's not, actually. It's 60 / using your technology / yeah / we don't have any, uh, age__ __ ... I'd say / read / make sure / then I will stop listening. / Wow. / Sort it out, Gilbert. Regards, / Amy from C__ / 28 / Amy / there's a note from the producer / underneath your, uh, email. It says / all / whatever their age / may make / on merit. And saying "I want to be in the podcast" does not get you in. ... That's the official BBC line there, ladies and gentlemen. Sending / podcast / doesn' guarantee inclusion in the podcast. / __ __ __ __ of time. / No.

"Dear Rhod. A few months ago / nearly ten years older than men / wanted / we are together and very happy. You / modern-day / __ __ / still alive / she / modern-day P__ / I also wondered if you thought / pull off / I don't know / I've got a Stetson / yeah / is one thing / is quite another / glasses / myself / it looks incredibly practical. But I fear / 40 years too young / Best Wishes / know / another feature / I think this is a feature / at what age is it acceptable to wear glasses on __ chain around your neck / if / some sort of / you / a / what's a / the things / what is a lanyard? / no prizes / Huh, OK. / new BBC / give / what is a lanyard? That__ ... that's a feature. That'll do / mate / honestly / keep __ happy / what / I've got __load__ of stuff / see if / five in 30 seconds / じゃあ 30 秒でお題を 5 つ出してみろよ / what's the name of the, um, / shoelace / 靴ひもの両端に付いているプラスチックの部分を何というか？ / that is a good one / what is the name / plastic bit / no / what is it, then? / I don't know / two more great features / basically / just because / Melissa / any / hundreds / her life / what / is your middle finger longer than your nose? / still doing that one, mate / I'd be surprised / middle finger / that's the same feature. / I / just

You Can't Always Get What You Want / Rolling Stones / This is Rhod Gilbert live on BBC Radio Wales. That was the choice / friend / Barry Castagnola / one of my two choices / allowed / production team only gave you two choices? / only gave you two choices? / have another one / back home / shall we / people in Wales / look / anything you like / Primal Scream / a bit of / Primal Scream / message / not to you, listeners, but to, uh, / production team back in Cardiff / what song / I think we can do that. / Let's do that. / happy to oblige / by the way / as well / track / it doesn't, apparently / producer / No / that's, uh, ... that's genuinely the strangest / ever / offered ... just offered the suggestion / listeners / music radio show / just / request / literally just went "No !" / quite odd, isn't it? / I think / what's probably happened is, um ... / so many features here / photograph / you / amongst / newspapers here / yeah / uh ... so / time / not gonna be / time / I think you should / to me personally / rhodgilbert / write / complain / not / music played / ask / and I will / on air, I will, on air, / have a fight with / not physical. Verbal. / in Cardiff / be / but whatever you do, / do not criticize Rhod for not having __ features / level with me, but not / features

This is a feature / running for months / features / my ears / some of them / lasted / distance / some of them / lost / more than five minutes / correspondence on ... from listeners / including ... / including this one. ... "Hi Rhod and ? / that's me / Barry C__ / my favorite / "Insert name" / using / from now on / excuse me / punctuation mark / Hi Rhod and ? / Hey, he prefers something / Hi Rhod and ? / Barry, his name is / sleep / thing / one email / any / feature / dragging on / I know / but I wanted to tell you about my wife / every now and then she starts / random conversation when she falls off to sleep / this week / wife / sleep voice / did you win __ prize / voice / a sleep voice / you / prize / did you win / but his favorite ... his favorite / conversation / they've run out of b__ / sort of white and blue tin / thing / cleaning / so, it's only / tin / you can buy it or nick it from W__ / full up to the brim / something like that / obviously / Mr. / downfall / pick / people / themselves / crocodiles / tin of B__ / that's what / them off / everyone / favorite / stop nicking from them / just / to mention / brand name / 15 times / このメールを全部読むと、特定の商品名を 15 回も言わなきゃならない。 / brand / generic cleaning product / product I like / this is the man / what do they want / cleaning product / for? / they're polishing their telescopes / husband / all / cleaning product / his telescope / gap / she says / what's the Morse code for b__ / quite / tell / fun / some / fun / dream / talk / this / is / this / played / get any idea__ at home. ... Barry / works / show / request / forget / what / my producer says, "No !"

Somebody / mildly / glint / Barry / in your life / know / I call you "my Barry" / that's nice / even / sometimes / drop / bubbly / spring in your steps / other ones are available / loo / you're my that. / sometimes / toilet / Barry / you're my little tonic / babbly / smile / I appreciate that / embarrassing now, innit? / myself / laugh / Barry / anyone's still listening? / got / email / keen to read it / quick / five / quite / good morning Rhod and [ ] / please / as appropriate / me / compelled / encounter / which I ... which I / experienced on Saturday / basically / so long / half way / bear / with / me / mentioned / close by / email / familiar-looking decorat__r / carefully / paint / autograph / "Hello" / I said / autograph / Rhod / confused / back / yellow pages / isn't that amazing / all seriousness / in all seriousness / BT / and I / every single time I see the BT phonebook / my / catch a glimps of it / go / what / close / every time / my own phonebook / panic / fraction of a second / I know exactly what they mean.

now / some of / so far / carry on, Barry / hi / nose / remember / feature / pressure / four / you / five / one / is / nose / had / hang on a minute / What? / hang on a minute. "Hi Rhod. My / longer / from / look, mate / you know / very well / little joke / moment / the point is / feature / ridiculous, quite frankly / attempt / good feature / dirty protest / let me / a moment / before / next / measure / my middle finger / actually / I haven't actually done it / you / probably about an inch-or-so, uh, longer / longer / that way / outwards / don't be ridiculous / face / middle finger / talking / if I / time to explain the feature properly / would say / feature / middle finger / from the tip of you nose / sort / bridge of your nose / longer than your ... um ... / feature / first / live radio show / sometimes / morning, Rhod / morning / don't worry about me / afternoon / here we go / what / don't do it / don't even read it / Cliff / to / honest / number / funny / interestingly / in fact ... / ... Yeah.

This is BBC Radio Wales / live / number / speak / pass / to my co-host / Barry C__ / Barry / text / some / two / we / pretty / live / hopefully, though, in a fun way / let us know / if / how / Feature #48 / any more on / nose / coming / not / maybe / how to measure it / middle / you / protruded from your face / distance / length / if / send a picture / we'd like to see it / own / hi / Barry / told / nice / type / from / note from producer: / still "No !" / for / production / joined / earlier / played it / hey / home / request a song / came / no / no / I don't know why / Cardiff / in / well / most famous / she / bus journey / from __ to __ / adventure / adventure / 65 / hang / she / wrote / zoo / she writes a song / yeah / she writes a song about going / yeah / no offense, everyone / remarkable / write / three / yeah / starting point / she doesn't even mention / another / another email / hello / and / no mention to Barry / out-of-this-world idea / yeah / a chance / space / no one else / done / to / definitive list / haven't / do that / be different / he would wear / this / space crazy, this guy / wear / pretty / good idea / good idea. That's what I call space-exploration / thought / space / why / not / every / day / something / exactly / little / rest of / astronauts / no idea / pair / don't take / even better. Well done, Barry / get / chance / up / there / thing / stuff / up / underpants / on sale / the undies' called / meaning / unbeatable / yes / translated / and / translated / as / read / that / undies / yeah / meaning / thing / perfectly / meaning / same / me / at / worse / mad / sense / as / warm / absorb / smell / apparently / like / pair / christmas / detected / space / like / two / those / so / space / started / no / Rhod's pants /

featuers / got / this / Barry / is / whistle / says / both / why / remind me / I mentioned / what / is / thanks / know / is / backstage passes / BBC / someone / neck / that's / boring / great description / so / I know / talking / this / Feature / 47 / wear / around / anything / should / life / you might remember / performing / with her life / nothing on that / care / people / your life / isn't / too / keep / upbeat / Barry / last year / me and / wife / coming / Swansea / where we met / at / train station / photo / got / when he saw me / few / got / from / a.k.a. / I / occasionally / occasionally / have / can / have / same / aweful / it depends / front door / call / police / a.k.a. / airport / L.A. / was / about / them / he / few / following week / flying / liver transplant / newsagent's / magazine / get / saw / airport / topshelf / 彼がね、売店でアダルト雑誌を買って ... / my brother / ten / let me / is this / broadcastable / ちょっと待った。公共の電波にのせていい話なんだろうな？その後にトイレへ向かったとか、そういう展開じゃないだろうな？ / appropriate / absolutely / first / euphemism / and / autograph / off / smile / charmingly / please / face / handed / picture / trust / specially / really / again / said / please / massive / said / told / told / did / was / was / quite / charming / took / little / something /

if / why / whole / 11 / 1.

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